Dirty Details with Vince and Veronica

Q: “More often than I would care to admit, several of my attempts at relationships have been cut off by phrases like, ‘you’re nice, but you’re not my type’ or being told we were just friends. Is there a way to avoid that happening, or at least a way to see it coming?”

Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune/MCT

Veronica’s Opinion

Ah yes, the complexity of the friend zone. I feel like the statements you provided are so often used, yet they are so ambiguous. I myself would like to hear a more genuine and intricate explanation. Sadly, I feel like this statement is used so commonly that it loses it meaning.

In a positive light, these attempts you’ve made that ended in this situation may actually be that these individuals do not want to jeopardize their friendships with you because you are such a good friend. Though sometimes, I admit, some just may not be that into you.

I’ll let you in on a few tactics that I tend to fall on when a guy friend is courting, and I’m just not that interested.

1. The friend fade: This is where I make sure to not give said ‘courter’ any extra attention that they may read into the wrong way. There are no quick responses to text messages, over exaggerated hugs or hellos, or I may lie and say that I’ve already made plans at the request of a one-on-one hang out session (low, I know.)

2. The name drop: Sometimes if I’m around a boy that I know likes me, yet I’m not interested, I may mention a boy that I think is cute or that I’ve gone on a recent date with. This is not meant to be taken as bitchy, just as a subtle hint.

3. Life banter: If said ‘courtee’ tends to talk about how crazy his/her life is and has no time for anything…they probably include having a relationship in that statement.

4. The party whore: If this friend that you’re interested in tends to find themselves in closets or bathrooms hooking up with random people at parties on the weekends, (not only is this extremely trashy) then obviously other people are on their mind besides you.

5.The busy bee: If perchance you run into this person multiple times and every time they are too busy to talk or give an acceptable hello, they may be avoiding you.

If the friend you are “in like” with is exhibiting any of these signs…it’s a red flag (which doesn’t mean to say that it’s completely hopeless, but you should be warned)

Vince’s Opinion

So you’ve found that terrible, terrible place. The region of crushed hopes and dreams known only as the “friend zone.” It’s funny how something that sounds so nice is oftentimes the last place on Earth a guy wants to be. Sure, there are going to be girls you never stand a chance with, but more often than you give yourself credit you have a fighting chance with the girl. You have to act quickly to ensure you do not wind up in the friend zone. It is much harder to get out of the friend zone than it is to just stay out of it.

Like many other animals, by nature human males are the suitors to the females. Women expect to be pursued by men, and the problem you may be having is that you are doing just that. It’s boring to a woman when you are just another nice guy who is willing to bend over backwards for them to gain their affection. I really hate writing this advice since it is so cliché, but you need to not always be there for them. They need to value the time they have around you. I’m not saying you have to be disrespectful to them to get the point across, but you should detach yourself a bit more. Women are attracted to confidence. The fact that you are not waiting on her hand and foot means that you have the confidence to be your own person. This will greatly reduce your odds of ending up in the danger zone. You are playing her at her own game here, so make her work a bit to prove her worth to you as well.

When you are hanging out with this person, you need to be flirty and confident. Do not be so forward that she is repulsed by you, but also you need to make your move before she starts seeing you as just a friend. Being a former Tsar of the Friend Zone, you need to have confidence in the fact that she is also interested in you, and that you do not have to do all the work in courting your target. As we said before, distancing yourself every once in a while can go a long way. It sends the message that you have other options and she needs to work some too if she wants to keep you around. This is a tricky situation, as every female is different. You need to be as intuitive as you can and do your best to read the signals your girl is sending, otherwise you may miss your chance and wake up one morning and realize where you are and think to yourself, “aw F***…”

Posted by Veronica Kale on Nov 10 2010. Filed under Dirty Details, Lifestyle. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.